The reality is, we’re dropping our sons earlier than they even get an opportunity to turn into themselves.
Caleb Wilson was simply 20 years outdated—a pupil at Southern College, a younger Black man on the highway to one thing. Perhaps a level. Perhaps a legacy. However undoubtedly a life. That was minimize quick after he was punched within the chest throughout a fraternity hazing ritual. That’s how he died. Not in a shootout. Not on some road nook. However in a brotherhood that mistook violence for bonding and ache for passage. A number of folks have been arrested. And but, we nonetheless haven’t arrested the concept masculinity should be earned by way of struggling.
As a result of make no mistake: masculinity in our group remains to be being handed out like a membership card. And the gatekeepers? They seem like us.
They sound like that “comic” Humorous Mike—who hopped on livestream and scolded his personal son for writing in a pink notepad with a unicorn on the duvet. A unicorn. A baby’s pocket book. And but in some way, that second was an excessive amount of for a grown man to abdomen. He snapped, embarrassed that his youngster was caught being… a toddler. As a result of in our world, Black boys don’t get innocence. They get misdirected instruction. Be robust. Be arduous. Be a person. And God forbid they swerve even barely off script.
We noticed the identical script when Anthony Mackie caught warmth for explaining how he mother and father his sons—educating them to be younger males from an early age, leaning into gender roles that some people noticed as outdated or regressive. However right here’s the factor: even if you suppose you’re doing proper by your sons, there’s an entire group standing prepared to evaluate whether or not you’re elevating them proper. Nobody wins, as a result of no one agrees on what “a person” even is. Some folks would rightfully argue that this can be a main downside within the Black group. They don’t let children be children however then need to right them for being “too grown” at occasions. The place’s the road?
Add to that the rise of the time period “YN,” quick for “Younger N*gga”—a reputation worn like armor in some areas, like branding in others. However ask your self: what are we actually baptizing our boys into? A tradition the place they’re anticipated to be fearless, unfeeling and unshakable earlier than they even hit puberty?
After which come the voices—loud, commanding, drenched in incense and righteous fury. The Umar Johnsons of the world. Males who say they’re saving the Black group, however preach a form of masculinity that leaves no room for softness, creativity or fluidity. It’s the identical sermon wearing Pan-African robes: “Be robust, be stoic, be straight or be silent.” All whereas having deadbeat dad allegations flowing by way of the web as I kind this. Is that what masculinity is?
So once more, I ask: Who holds the keys?
Is it the fathers with agency palms? The folks shopping for up podcast tools? The tradition critics dissecting parenting selections from iPhone screens? The frat brothers who mistake trauma for custom?
Or possibly, nobody ought to.
Perhaps Black masculinity isn’t a home with a lock on the door. Perhaps it’s an open discipline—spacious sufficient for the boy who performs soccer and the one who paints unicorns. Room sufficient for the Mackies, the Calebs, those who cry in personal and those who dance in public. Area for the soft-spoken and the outspoken. For protectors and dreamers.
As a result of what Caleb Wilson’s loss of life ought to remind us is that our present blueprint for masculinity is damaged. He didn’t die as a result of he wasn’t “man sufficient.” He died as a result of folks round him believed being a person required ache. And that form of pondering kills greater than it builds.
We don’t want extra keys. We want extra care. We want extra freedom to let Black boys be—earlier than we bury them below our insecurities.
So let the unicorn pocket book be. Let the pink pen write. Let Black masculinity bloom with out permission, with out punishment, with out efficiency.
The bottom line is not yours to carry. It was by no means a lock to start with.
