There comes a second in most Black girls’s lives when the dam breaks. The filter falls off. The “sure ma’ams” fade. The fastidiously crafted responses disappear. And the smile you’ve been informed to plaster in your face for many years turns into optionally available.
For many people, that second comes proper round 50 — when the recent flashes hit, the children are grown (or shut sufficient) and society’s lengthy record of expectations not strikes us.
We merely cease caring.
And that’s a fantastic factor.
The We Do Not Care Membership, began by Melani Sanders, places phrases — and viral hashtags — to a reality many people have lived quietly: Black girls at midlife are performed performing. We’re performed shrinking. We’re performed apologizing. And sure, we’re performed giving a single solitary f*** about what the world thinks of us.
Taraji stated it finest. We’ve run out of F’s to offer.
For generations, Black girls have been anticipated to carry all of it collectively — for our households, our church buildings, our jobs, our communities. We had been imagined to be sturdy, however by no means offended. Horny, however by no means getting older. Sensible, however by no means “an excessive amount of.”
By the point we cross 50, we’ve spent many years carrying these contradictions on our backs. And we’re drained.
However right here’s the twist: That exhaustion turns into freedom.
After we say we don’t care, we’re not saying we’ve stopped loving our individuals or investing in our futures. What we’ve stopped caring about is the nonsense: The unrealistic physique requirements, infinite judgment about our hair, our decisions, our voices and the concept getting older ought to make us invisible.
Black girls over 50 are reclaiming midlife as our season of unapologetic pleasure. We’re touring, beginning companies, sporting what we would like (even white after Labor Day), loving who we would like, and refusing to be silenced. We’re saying out loud what our moms whispered and our grandmothers endured in silence.
And let me inform you, there’s nothing extra harmful — or extra liberating — than a Black lady who not cares about becoming into society’s slim packing containers.
So sure, name it menopause. Name it midlife. Name it no matter you need. However I name it magic. As a result of after we cease giving our vitality to the noise, we begin giving it again to ourselves.
Black girls over 50 don’t have any f’s left to offer — and that could be the very factor that saves us.
